I Have No Sense of
I've been known to have a loose tongue!
It's silly. Lets face it.
My All Time Funniest Jokes - By Other Comedians
Running Out of Gas
This guy takes his van and brings it to the Louvre Museum, in Paris,
and steals some paintings.
Now this guy has a serious skill. He easily gets past all the security and
all that, but when he starts to drive away with the police in hot pursuit, he
runs out of gas.
Of course he gets caught, and while then police are locking him up one of
them says "You had the skill, you had it all going well for you, and you ran out
of gas. What happened?"
The thief says "I didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
Outrun the Tiger?
Two men are walking through a forest. Suddenly, they
see a tiger in the distance, running towards them. They turn and start running
away. But then one of them stops, takes some running shoes from his bag, and
starts putting them on.
“What are you doing?” says the other man. “Do you think you will run faster
than the tiger with those?”
“I don’t have to run faster than the tiger,” he says. “I just have to run
faster than you.”
President Bush and the Queen of England
At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300-foot red carpet was stretched out to
Air Force One and President Bush strode to a warm but dignified handshake from
Queen Elizabeth II. They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley to the edge of central
London where they boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent
white horses. As they rode toward Buckingham Palace, each looking to their side
and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all was
going well. This was indeed a glorious display of pageantry and dignity.
Suddenly the scene was shattered when the right rear horse let rip the most
horrendous, earth-shattering, eye-smarting blast of flatulence, and the coach
immediately filled with noxious fumes.
Uncomfortable, but maintaining control, the two dignitaries did their best to
ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen decided that was a ridiculous
manner with which to handle a most embarrassing situation. She turned to Mr.
Bush and explained, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I'm sure you
understand that there are some things even a Queen cannot control."
George W., ever the Texas gentleman, replied, "Your Majesty, please don't
give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said something I would
have assumed it was one of the horses."